Home Before the Homecoming

(As if written on March 23, 2013)

Momma, 

We brought you home from the hospital today. It was around noon that the doctors and dad officially decided that Hospice care at home is the very best option for you. When I found out, I sat outside the hospital room on the floor crying and crying. That news hurt so much. I wanted them to do something else, like cure you. I sat by your bed at the hospital that afternoon as we waited for arrangements to be made. You were able to communicate and you understood what was happening, although you were loopy at times from medications. I do have a conversation on video of you and I interacting in the hospital. In the video, you tell me that you are so sorry you are sick and you want me to remember that when you are in Heaven you will not be in pain anymore. 

It was around 5:00pm that you came home from the hospital. Your home before your homecoming. Hospice had delivered a bed and oxygen. You didn't want to sleep in the bed so you asked if you could sleep upstairs. We made it work but every night after that you slept in the hospital bed in the family room. I had some time alone with you that night. 

The others went to get a bite to eat. You laid on your bed as I sat next to you and we talked until you were just too tired. We talked about lots of things. You told me you were going to help God pick my husband for me. You told me to make sure we made Lindsay's graduation very special. You also told me that I would have to be brave but you knew I could do it. And finally you told me that you would always love me even from Heaven and if I ever wanted to talk to you I could start by saying, "hi mommy". After an hour, you said you were ready to get some rest. So I let you sleep. Oh how I wanted to stay there all night, and forever really. I knew that I had to let you go even if it was just to sleep. I truly believe that we had our final conversation that night. After that night our interactions would become shorter and you wouldn't have as much to say. 

(As if written on March 23, 2014)

Momma,

I thought about you a lot today. I went to a wedding 2 hours away for one of my friends from Messiah Philly. The wedding was in Perkasie, PA. I carpooled with two others who also graduated from Messiah. We met on campus and I offered to drive. The wedding was very fun and I had a great time with my friends from MCPC. There were 4 of us girls, although one was actually the bride. We had a great time catching up and celebrating with our friend. 

The wedding ended around 9pm and we left to head back to Messiah. We were on the road for no more than ten minutes when I hit a huge pothole. I knew right away that it probably wasn't good but I hoped for the best. About two minutes later, when a stoplight turned green and I started to drive, the worst had occurred. I mean, not the worst ever but definitely the opposite of the best. Flat tire. I pulled over and we tired to assess which tire it was. We really weren't sure but I knew it wasn't safe no matter what. I remained very calm. I took two deep breaths and began to come up with a plan. The most unfortunate thing is that my car does not have a spare tire. So Mary called AAA, pretending to be me, while I called Hyundai Assurance. Both informed us that the only thing to be done was to get it towed. Hyundai would only tow me to the closest dealership but AAA would tow me all the way to Mechanicsburg. We also asked if we could get a ride in the two truck but were told they could only take two people and we had three. So while we waited for the tow truck, all three of us started calling rental car companies to see if we could get a car to drive the two hours home. We all had no luck. Everything was closed, apparently. I called dad and he started on his way to get us. About 15 mins later the tow truck came and Trevor talked the guy into letting us squeeze into the truck. I told dad to pick us up at the dealership in Mechanicsburg in 2 hours. Momma, on a scale of 1 to sketchy, our tow truck guy was probably a 2. We really did get so lucky and were blessed that he let us get a ride in the truck. I think I was in bed by 2am. The most unfortunate thing was the pricetag that came with 2 new tires. Momma, I stayed calm and in the end it all worked out.

It's crazy how the same date is filled with two very different experiences. I hope March 23, 2015, is much better than the previous 2 years. No matter what though, it's all in God's hands. Throughout the next few days I will think of you so much. I always so that really shouldn't be a surprise. 

Love always,

Kelsey