trying to be brave and stuff

This is my very first post from the treadmill. My run isn't going well today. I have taken almost an entire week off because I spent the weekend in upstate New York for Rozzie's wedding. (More on that later) I ran one mile today and had to stop and sit down on the treadmill in the middle of the gym. So tired and out of breath. That was one of my slowest miles, how can I possibly be out of breath?  I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and really trying to change my brain. Running is so mental for me because I have played sports for a long time so I know that I can physically do it but my brain always holds me back. When I think about the half marathon, I start to get anxious inside. I have been fully devoted to training and I planned to take this past week off because I knew it was inevitable. I never let myself skip a run because I plan ahead for my weaknesses. But how can I plan ahead for how I will feel on February 23, 2014? I really want to challenge myself to

Momma, Merry Christmas! Today is December 25, 2013. This is the very first Christmas that I have spent away from you in 24 years. I only cried a few times today. I am taking a break from packing to write you this Christmas letter. Tomorrow I am leaving with 2 of the biddies to head up to Plattsburgh, NY for Rozzie's wedding weekend! The rest of the biddies are going to get there on Friday.  This morning when I woke up I did some things to get ready for that. Dad decided that he didn't want to open presents at our house this year because he wanted it to be different.  I remember last Christmas you had cried for most of the day. I didn't understand it then but now I see why. You had known all along...that was your last Christmas with us. You hadn't yet told us that the chemo wasn't working so I never would have thought that it was our last Christmas. I love you for being so brave like that for us. We hauled all of the wrapped gifts over to Deb and John's. We went

Momma, It is Christmastime and also it is my last monthly letter for the year of 2013. Today is December 8, 2013. Eight months since you left us. It is the 8th day of the 8th month.  On November 9th, the family went to Philadelphia for the Purple Stride 5k for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. It was a chilly but beautiful morning. Three of my friends from Messiah also came for the walk...Kristy, Heather K, and Katie B. Even Dad participated in the 5k which was really neat.  November 24th was Lindsay's 23rd Birthday! It was on a Sunday and she had to work so we did a few different things during the weekend to celebrate. On Saturday, the day before her birthday, we went to the Harrisburg Heat game. They lost but it was still fun! We also went out to dinner on her actual birthday after she got done with work. We got her two cakes because no one communicated who was getting a cake. I think she had a good birthday but it was her first birthday without you so I'm sure that it was hard fo