trying to be brave and stuff

Momma, Today was my 25th birthday. To be oh so honest, it was so rough. The morning was great, Momma! I ran The Color Run in Hershey! Our whole family participated and a few of my friends came too! I just love the color so that was fun. My friends put me on stage and I had no idea what was going to happen but the DJ had 10,000 people sing happy birthday to me. It was crazy but it was a blur because it happened so fast. I told Dad that I think you would have enjoyed The Color Run also but you definitely would have thought the music was too loud.  The rest of the day was really awful. I say that from a first world perspective. The worst feeling for me is to be lonely and that is exactly what I felt. I spend most weekends by myself with no plans and on the week nights, I rarely seen anyone. So for me to spend the entire afternoon and evening by myself was so hard for me. I wished you were there because you would have come up with something fun for us to do. I guess the family thought that

Mommy, Today is our second Mother's Day without you. Last year, I did not go to church because that is a popular subject in sanctuaries everywhere. This year, I did go to to church. I miss you so much. I kept thinking the week leading up to Mother's Day that I needed to get you a gift. I'm not sure why I kept thinking that but it probably has something to do with the fact that I was a terrible gift-giver for the years that you were here! Oh well, you loved me anyway! If I could give a message to all of my friends on this day it would be to show your Momma that you love her, not just today, but every single day! One day, you won't get to hear her voice anymore or call her. You can dial her phone number but she will never ever answer. I haven't called your phone once since you died. Dad disconnected your number on our family plan so some random person would probably answer if I called. I'm sure your voicemail message at work was deleted, but I never called to

Momma, The thirteenth month feels almost weird. After I wrote to you at one year, it felt like that was the end and now my journey of letters is done. I know it's just because it's the first month after one year. I think it's okay if I don't have a lot to say this month. These letters are real and so it is what it is. I feel like not much happened in the thirteenth month. We didn't go anywhere or have any big events. I spent my days going to work, hanging out with friends, and babysitting. The Friday before Easter, I had off work so Dad and I went and played golf. I did terrible, but it was fun. The weather is finally starting to get nice around here, and I love having a job where I get to walk outside multiple times a day. I also ordered my  bridesmaid dress for Kristy's wedding but it doesn't come in until July. I haven't seen some of my friends in a while and so I am hoping that with summer coming up that I will get to be reunited with them! I a