trying to be brave and stuff

Momma, It is now July 8, 2014. This date marks the 15th month without you. Why does the time never stop moving? I'm stuck between wanting to rewind it so that I can be with you and wanting to fast forward so we never have to say goodbye again. I know I should just live right where I am but it's very lonely here. I don't think I would want to rewind because then I would have to say goodbye on April 8th again. I never want to do that again. For now, I'll just wait...and dream about what it will be like to see you and hug you.  I just finished the book, Heaven is for Real. I read it at the beach. In the book, the little boy says that there are no old people in Heaven. I imagine you waiting for me, looking like a younger, unfamiliar (to me), version of yourself. I think since I am your daughter you will recognize me right away when I get to Heaven. I picture myself arriving at Heaven's gates, you approach from afar, so anxious to embrace me. When our eyes meet, I will k

Mommy, Today is your birthday! Your earthly birthday! You would have turned 59 years young. I thought about you all day! I can't believe I won't ever need to buy you a gift or a card again. I was terrible at it anyway but I would do anything to have you here just so I could agonize over what to get you! I wonder if you can feel our love today? I sure hope so! I had hoped we would go out to dinner but everyone was busy and then I decided that I would go to New Jersey. At first I felt guilty leaving you on your birthday but I tried so hard to remember that you would have told me to go and have fun. I hope you don't mind that I went to see my friends. Mommy, I know that they don't have birthdays in Heaven but we are still celebrating you here! We love you and miss you like you wouldn't believe! One day we will have a party that will get to last for eternity! I'm so excited for that!  Happy Birthday, Momma! Love you to infinity and beyond, Kelsey