Blogiversary

I started my blog one year ago today. It is crazy all of the things that can happen in a year. When I started this blog, I had no idea that two days later my mom would be in the hospital as her body began to shut down. When I started this blog, I was certain that I had months left with her. I was going to spend hours each day talking with my momma about life and I was going to document everything. We all knew she wouldn't make it through the year so I wanted to soak up every minute I had left. I was young and naive and had I known the outcome, I would have grown up quicker and been more grateful, appreciative and loving of my Momma during the first 23 years of my existence. Such is life. We don't know what will happen in just a few days, or weeks, or months and years. Only God knows. 

I began this blog with the purpose of discovering what it means to be brave through the death of my mommy. Here I am, 365 days later, and I still have no idea what that means. As I read back through the posts from this week last year, I can see how scared I was. I was terrified. I was afraid to fall asleep every night because I didn't know if she'd be alive when the sun came up. 


There have been hundreds of nights since that first week and some have been filled with fear, others with tears, a few with exhaustion, and many have been consumed by heartache. I'd be lying if I said that the night wasn't the worst. If being brave is getting out of every single morning after the night then I have done that hundreds of times. 

I am still terrified for the future. I have no clue what job is for me or where I should live or many, many other things. I try to remind myself that this life of mine, is in God's hands and not my own. When I think about it like that, it's a bit less to be terrified about. 

The best advice that I can give to one-year-from-now-Kelsey is to just take it one day at a time. And when that becomes too much, take it an hour at a time or even just a few minutes. Because soon enough it will be morning again and the dawn will break and God will still be there, just like He has always been. 





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