The Daughter of Wonder Woman

As I write this post, I am somewhere between a state of denial and an undoubting belief that my God will cure her of cancer. Actually, I am writing this post in the bedroom of the house, where I have lived with my parents, for the last twenty years. And now I am writing a post on a blog about bravery, when in fact I have no idea, how "to be brave".

Maybe you are wondering about the 'her' that I mentioned in the first sentence. 'Her' is Wonder Woman. 'Her' is smart, beautiful, loving. 'Her' is hard-working, determined, motivated. 'Her' is brave. 'Her' answers to the name Momma (or Coco). 

Coco became ill in August of 2011, and received a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis in September of 2011. She had surgery, chemo, radiation, more chemo and a clinical trial. In June of 2012, my momma had no traces of cancer in her body. We threw a big party and attempted to find our way back to normal. On October 12, 2012, my world was turned upside down. Again. That cancer returned, uninvited, and it brought friends. The cancer recurred in Coco's pancreas and had metastasized to her lungs. 

Without hesitation, Coco donned her Wonder Woman cape and began treatment. The only treatment she could be offered was chemotherapy. This time, however, the cancer would not be touched by four months of chemo. So, my parents made the heartbreaking decision to cease chemotherapy. As the cancer progressed, the doctors had nothing else to offer her except a prognosis: less than 1 year. 

Months. Wait, what? Months can seem like a lifetime when you are anticipating a concert or vacation. Months to live? Well that, feels like hours. 

You see, I am 23 years old. Only 23 years old. My momma is "dying" of cancer. Like I said before, I'm dabbling in denial so I hate to use that word. I guess that is what the doctors call it. But I'm also hovering around the...'God wouldn't actually let her die from this. He's just testing me. He knows I'm too young for this and that I still need her'

This blog is a journey. My journey to discover what it means, to be brave. This is certainly not the kind of brave you have when you decide to ride the newest roller coaster at Hersheypark. This is the kind of brave that is unimaginable at 23. This is the kind of brave you have 'to be' if God's answer to your prayers to heal your mom, is NO. 

Today I have no idea how to be brave, but I will learn. And that's all I know for sure. 

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 18, 2013 at 11:02 PM

    "Promise me you'll always remember,
    You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"
    xo

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Year of Running

Image
Hello World, It's me, Kelsey. I don't actually have a plan for this post but I should start by being honest...today's day is actually February 23, 2015. This post is time-stamped back in December but I haven't gotten around to writing it yet. Today's date is significant though...exactly one year ago today I was chasing that Princess Half dream, 13.1 miles down the road. So today seems like a good day to write about my year of running. To get a clear picture of how this year of running came to be we should time travel back to June 11, 2013. The day that registration opened for the 2014 Disney Princess Half Marathon. A number of my friends and I had decided that we were going to do this. My phone reminded me all week that registration would open on June 11. When that day came, I was completely terrified. I knew I wanted to do it but the reality of it was that I really had never run more than 3-4 miles...ever. I held my breath, typed in my credit card information and h
Read more

The Hurt & The Healer

I borrowed that title from a MercyMe song. Everyone is talking about the healing that needs to take place in my heart. I have no idea what that even means. I'm not exactly sure how to identify a "broken heart". My heart is sad in ways I just can't describe. My heart is sad about little things and big things. My heart is sad because I miss my mommy. However, I don't think it's broken. You see, Jesus is in my heart and so I feel as though it can't be "broken". Without this Savior, I wouldn't have the assurance that I will see her again in heaven. I wouldn't have hope that someday my heart will be filled with more joy than sadness (like it was before). I am so thankful that I don't have to know that kind of broken heart. I am sad everyday. I wish that I didn't have to be sad and so that is what I am working toward. I'll never be able to forget about her so I can't really see how I will ever not be sad like I am right now.
Read more

Momma's Day

It's Mother's Day here on Earth. Or maybe just in the US, since according to my daily planner, Mother's Day in Mexico was this past Friday. I pray that my momma will feel my love today. And everyday. I didn't get her a present this year, which wouldn't really come as a surprise to her because I always fell short in the present giving arena. Last year I bought her a card approximately 30 minutes before I was to meet up with my family for brunch. She loved me anyway. Moms are so good at that. Even though I messed up a lot, which is an extreme understatement, she kept loving me anyway. A few of my friends do that too. I can't quite understand why but I thank God for them just the same. I hope that if you are reading this, you will be encouraged to give your momma a big hug! I wish that I could give my momma just one more hug. It's kind of like when you have to say goodbye to someone and you say "just one more hug, I promise!" I wish I could have that
Read more