What Will Change?

Watching someone die is nothing I would ever wish upon anyone. My mom is only physically dying. I know she will live eternally in Heaven with God but I am still filled with so much pain.

I'm thankful that I was able to ask for forgiveness and "fix" every issue I had with my mother before she entered this stage of her life. I am comforted to know that the phrase "I love you", will be one of the last things I say to my mommy.

Even though my mommy is still alive she is not the same woman I have known for the last 23 years. I wonder if anything will change after she passes away? Since she struggles to communicate these days, I am no longer able to go to her for advice or other things of the sort. I am still able to hug her even though she does not hug back the same way that she used to. It's hard for me to understand that someday soon I won't be able to hug her at all.

I know it is silly of me to think that she will just wake up or start to get better soon. The process of dying is a lot slower than I would have guessed. I'm not sure when it will happen and most days I just try not to think about it. I suppose that I have said nothing of significance in this post but that is just the way it goes.

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