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I can't even think of a title for this one.

I feel like I should be praying more. I'm sure God is looking down on me with a frown. I don't know what to pray for. I know that Coco is going to Heaven, where there will be no more pain, tears, or cancer.

I don't feel angry at God and maybe that will come later. I know that He has always loved her and me so He didn't have anything to do with this cancer. It's just not in His will to make her cancer go away.

Momma is tired and ready to go. She wants to go more than anything but I want her to stay more than anything. I'm scared about having to miss her for so many more years. Tonight it is hard for me to understand that God still has a beautiful plan for my life. This does not seem beautiful to me at all. I take peace in the knowledge that His Will was never designed for me to understand. I continue to remind myself...God, You are only good.

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