The Loneliest Places

Sometimes when I post, I hope that no one actually reads it. At the same time, writing on here has been nothing but helpful for me. 

I have been struggling a lot lately. I feel so lonely all of the time. At some point during the summer, I wrote a post about how I dreaded the weekends. I almost never have any plans. I spend all weekend by myself and so I got to a point where I wished weekends didn't exist so I could just be at work and be around people. 

For the past few weekends, I have had plans. I went to NJ/NYC last weekend, this weekend was The Color Run, and next weekend we are going to Bryanna's. I love doing those things but then when they end I fall right back into my lonely state. I could always be around people. I feel as though my commute to work is enough alone time. When my weekends like that are over, I feel as though I am being let down. A lot of times it is because I have no idea when the next time I will see that person is. 

How the heck is everyone else soooo busy? Why can't I be busy? I just don't understand and I want that kind of life. Lots of people say, "I wish I had nothing to do on a Saturday." All I am thinking is, "I wish I had something to do every Saturday."

The majority of my friends have moved away from Harrisburg and so I don't see them as much. Sometimes once a month but most of the time it's just every few months. 

When will I get to have "forever" friends? Why do all of my friends keep moving away? Why do I spend more time missing them than seeing them? I'm thankful that my best friend KK still lives in the area but she might not stay here forever. She is getting married next year so that will bring about a new normal in our friendship. 

I try to keep reminding myself that God is constant and that He is forever. I want so much for that to just be enough for me but it is hard to accept that right now. I want His love to simply be the only thing that I need. And maybe someday if I can figure that out, I won't feel as lonely as I do right now.