When It Rains, It Pours

Mommy,

I feel so lost without you. Last year at this time you lived in our house with Hospice care. We just waited for God to call you home. I wish I had journaled about what each of those days was like. I really can't remember what we did all day for those few weeks. I know we took turns sitting with you and talking to you. We watched tv while you slept. I probably only showered once every 2 or 3 days. Who knows? And I guess who really cares? 

I sit here tonight, missing you like crazy. I need to clean up my room but I feel almost paralyzed by sorrow right now. I know it will only last for a short while but I've got to clean because it's just too cluttered in here. I have Pandora playing on my iPad as I type this from my iphone. 

I just had the most stressful two weeks at work but I am trusting that this is all part of God's plan. Losing you, was part of His plan. I think it's safe to say it has been my least favorite part of the Plan. 

I keep thinking about what I will write to you next week. Maybe I'll do two posts: Twelve Months and then a One Year post. The one year mark is just 7 days away. How can it already be here? I'm afraid to say too much in this letter because I have no idea what I want to write next week. 

Mommy, I need to strength to get up right this very minute and continue with my daily activities. No matter how long I stay here and cry, you won't ever come to me. I hate that. So I'll try to be brave right now and clean up my room. Because sometimes being brave, is just standing up and doing your chores,  when you want to lay on the floor and weep. So Momma, I'll be brave and get up right now.

Love you more than all the of the tears that fell in the world today. Love you always and forever.

Kelsey

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