Seven Months

Hi Mommy,

How are you? How's Eternal life? I'm confident in knowing that your response to this question would have to be positive. It goes without saying that we miss you like crazy. I have no idea where time is going. Today, November 8, 2013, marks seven months since I've seen you. 

This past month brought about lots of tears. I'm not actually sure why, but I felt as though I was crying all the time...in the car, on my runs, before I fell asleep, etc. There aren't too many pictures to show you this month.

I'm like practically a runner now. Only because I make myself, not because I am what some might call "addicted". I am no where near addicted. I would choose to take a nap everyday after work, if I could.

Kate, Kristy, and I took a trip to Delaware during the weekend of October 11-13. We had a great time visiting Bryanna's new home. We played games, and went to the mall, ate yummy food and danced at a sketchy bar. We did drive through a monsoon to get there. My school even had an early dismissal that Friday because of all the rain. We still had fun and I look forward to going back again soon.

Around the middle of October, I went wedding dress shopping with Kristy and her mom. It was fun! She didn't buy anything that day and is continuing her search. Momma, it was good and I'm so thankful that she invited me, but I was also sad. If God ever blesses me with a marriage, I won't get to go wedding dress shopping with you. I get tears in my eyes when I think about those things that you will miss. I remember laying on your bed (first night home with Hospice) talking about my wedding. You said that when I get married, I can be certain in knowing that you will have approved of my husband, because you were going to tell God that you wanted a sneak peek. I digress, since I am not getting married any time soon. 

My job at Vista is going well. The days are very busy and there is still so much to learn. Soon enough, I will get the hang of it and be more confident in my abilities as an instructor. Momma, I feel so lonely during my lunch break. I wonder if you know? For the first few weeks, I ate my lunch outside on the days when it was warm and sunny. Now I am eating in the kitchen with some staff from other classrooms. There might be as many as 7 people in the kitchen or as few as 3 on any given day. Lunch times are staggered  in the classrooms so I don't usually eat with anyone from my room. For the most part, other staff are friendly but I don't know them so there isn't much to talk about. They know each other so they have lots of things to talk about at lunch. I spend my time eating or just thinking. 

Coco, remember that one summer (2008), when I worked across the street from you in Harrisburg and we would have lunch together everyday? I loved that so much! We had a whole hour together and it was always so nice. Hopefully lunch time at my job will get less lonely soon.

Last week, we had our first show of the season at Hershey. It was Ghost. The Musical. A bit ironic, since it was about dying and we just went through that this year. The last line of the musical jumped out at me: "It's amazing Molly. The love inside, you take it with you. See ya."

You told me that you would never stop loving me and I believe that you are loving me right now from Heaven. 

Lindsay left her job at Kohl's to work at Macy's. I hope she will like it more. Dad has been playing less and less golf each week since the days are getting colder. I wonder what he will do during the winter months. He told me the other night that he won two tickets to a Penn State football game next weekend! He is going to go with John but I know if you were here, he would take you in a heartbeat.

Momma! The craziest thing happened this week! On Wednesday, I got a call from 99.3 KissFM, to tell me that I won tickets to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis at PSU! And that's not all...I also won meet & greet passes! Lindsay and I left for the concert last night at 5:30 and got there around 7:30, which is when the opening acts went on stage. We picked up our tickets and found out they were for General Admission, standing room only. We were not to thrilled to have to stand for the whole night but it wasn't so bad! We were in the back of the crowd but we could still see! After the show ended we went to the right of the stage and met up with other meet and greet gold wrist banded people. Out of the 6,000 people in attendance only 30 of them had meet and greet passes. They led us through a back door and we waited in a hallway for about an hour. Wanz, who is featured in the Thrift Shop song came out and talked to us for about 40 minutes! That was cool and finally it was time to meet Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. By this time it was 11:50pm. When it was our turn, we talked for a few seconds and then got our picture taken. It wasn't a life-changing experience but it was still an awesome opportunity! 

Here we are! Ryan Lewis is on the left and Macklemore is on the right! We had a great time even though we didn't get home until around 2:00am. I slept for about 3.5 hours and went to work and now it's Friday...seven months since you left us. 

Tonight we are all traveling to Philadelphia to walk in the Purple Stride 5k tomorrow morning. This is a 5k to raise awareness and fund research for pancreatic cancer. We will be walking as members of Team Coco! Even dad is participating! 

As month 7 draws to a close, I want you to know that I still love you as much, if not more, than I did on April 8th. The calendar makes it seem as though your departure from this world was so long ago. In my heart, I feel like it was just last week. It feels so fresh to me. I saw my therapist 2 weeks ago and we talked about you, like we always do. I told her that I feel like I have regrets about your last few days. I know that we ended on the best possible terms. Your last words were, "I love you". I suppose I feel this sense of regret because there is that ever persistent desire to just have one more moment with you. One more conversation, one more hug, one more 'I love you'. One more of anything really. You know, if I could, I would stare at you for a few more seconds. I feel like it all ended so fast. I guess that is just a property of this life.

Momma I really do wonder if my heart will hurt forever. I can't even imagine how it couldn't. I hope that this letter doesn't bring you down. I just wanted to share some of my heart with you. Although my heart has hurt every single day for the last 7 months, I know you continue to love it just the way it is. Because that love, you took it with you. 

Love always, from Earth to the Heavens, forever and ever,

Kelsey

P.S. Lindsay's birthday is this month, just a helpful hint! 

P.P.S. Call us, beep us, if you wanna reach us.