First Flashback

Tonight I got home to find that no one was home. As I walked into the empty home, I was struck with a flashback. 

March 22, 2013.
Mom, tonight you came home from the hospital after your 3 day stay there. We brought you home with the help of hospice. We got you all settled for the night and you slept upstairs. Dad carried you up there. It was the last time you ever slept in your own bed. It was just easier for you to sleep downstairs in the bed that hospice provided. Dad slept down there with you every single night. Anyway, dad, deb, JP, and Linds went out to get something to eat. Kristy, Ash, and Kate came over and they hung out downstairs and made me chocolate chip pancakes. I was upstairs with you, laying on your bed...talking about life. We talked about so much but at the same time it wasn't enough. I cried so much and you stayed so brave. We both knew you were going to Heaven soon. After a while, you told me you were ready to get some rest. Oh, how I didn't want to say okay and let you rest. I wonder now what I was thinking to not stay up with you all night. But rest was what you wanted and so I complied. As it turned out, we still had 17 precious days left with you. However, that was the last real conversation I think I had with you. 

Momma, I picture you being just down the hall. I can you see just the way I remember you the night of March 22. The last time you were ever upstairs in our house. I want that back. I wanted to stay with you forever there. I remember I told you that. You replied with something like "baby no. You have so much life left to live. There's still so much left for you to see and do. Don't worry about me."

I wanted to stay with you but you wanted to go Home. I knew nothing I could do would keep you here. So that night I let you rest, just as you had requested. And for those next 17 days, I loved you as hard as I could. I'll never stop because I don't know how to. 

Love,
Kelsey

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