trying to be brave and stuff

Mom, Today is my 26th Birthday. I cannot believe that you have missed 3 of my birthdays now.

Momma, Today is our 3rd Mother's Day without you. It's starting to become just another day. I hope that doesn't offend you. There are no gifts to buy and no celebrations to be had. I went to church today. For dinner, we went over to Deb's house. I wish I had more to write but for now I don't so I'm signing off. Love, Kelsey

Mommy, "Colleen - Know that the work you have done will carry on. The lives of the people you touched are better today because of who you are and how you helped and gave of yourself." Two Years. How can it already be April 8, 2015? It feels as though I was with you just last week while at the same time it feels like we've been apart for too many moons. It's like a Catch 22, I'm getting farther and farther from seeing you while getting closer and closer to hugging you again. Only God knows the exact day where more time will have passed than I will have left until we reunite. Does that make sense? For now, it has only been two years and could be so many more until I see you again. Some day that number will change and I won't know it but each day after that will be one day closer to you. "Colleen, you are an inspiration to many people. Your courage and strength are admirable." " There are so many times that you gave and gave yourself ...

Oh Mommy,  My heart is so broken for you right now. This season of the year is so hard for me. As I type this, tears are pouring out of my eyes. And just a little bit ago I had the silent sobs...the kind of crying where no one would know that you are crying. I held in the sound as my breath became shallow and my eyes drained the tears. At one point I did make a sound and I knew that was the kind of crying where it would have been loud and uncontrollable. So I held the sound back inside. I've learned a lot about crying over the past two years. I've cried so many different ways.  Tonight, I think back to our final heart to heart. We tucked you into your own bed (your final sleep there before we would keep you in the Hospice bed) and the rest of the family went for a bite to eat. My sweet best friends were downstairs making pancakes at 10:00 at night. I was laying on your bed with you.  We probably only chatted for 20 minutes but I'll never forget those precious moments. Oh,...