Twenty Months

Hi Momma,

It's me, Kelsey. Wow, has it been a long time since I've seen you. Twenty months. Today is Monday, December 8, 2014. Side note: It's hard to believe that just two years ago I was a few hours away from leaving for a cruise with my best friends. Crazy...how much happens in what seems like such a short amount of time. So much has happened in the past 20 months since April 8, 2013. 

How are you? It is starting to get very cold here. You know I hate the cold. I need to flock south for the winter...errr maybe forever actually. We had our first snow day right before Thanksgiving. Is it cold in Heaven? Does it snow? Can you see when it snows here? I can't think it's cold because, God knows that I'd never last in a cold climate for enternity. 

Well, I was in California for the first part of the month and I have been writing those letters to you separately so I won't go into much detail here.

Momma, I love traveling. Nothing makes my heart excited more than exploring a new place, a city I've never been before. Anaheim was fun but it was really just Disneyland and we went there to run and that about conquered that whole city. We spent the second part of our California vacation in San Francisco, and I think I fell in love. Maybe it was the freshness of a new city, the unfamiliarity of the west coast, who knows...but something about that city has me aching to go back. It is currently the most expensive city to live in, in the entire United States. So that makes it seem scary and unrealistic. But there are some cities nearby that would make hopping over to SF a breeze. Who knows? God does. I wish I knew. I wish I could figure out my next step...my next move in this game of life.

I returned back to work after vacation feeling mentally refreshed but physically exhausted because I brought a nasty head cold with me. I went into work late on Friday, November 21. I spent much of Saturday sleeping my cold away and Sunday I rested up because every Sunday for the last 3 months, I had been completing a long run. It was so nice to take a Sunday off! 

The next week was Thanksgiving week and it turned out to be a very short week due to Wednesday's snow day! I really didn't want a snow day because I had just had vacation but even more than that, I didn't want the dreaded make-up day. My Thanksgiving break turned into a five day weekend of which I got out of my pajamas only a few times and spent a lot of time bingeing on Netflix. I have only ever done the Netflix marathons once before so I didn't feel too guilty. We drove the long two minutes up to Deb's house for Thanksgiving and we ate and ate and ate some more and then we brought leftovers home. 

I did meet up with Kristy for some Black Friday shopping. And actually I went out a second time, later that night, to visit Lindsay. I spent way too much money with all of the sales but a girl deserves it, right?! Dad and I decided to go to the Harrisburg Heat game on Saturday night and although they lost (by a lot), we had a fun time! 

We had a full week of work after Thanksgving and it felt like a long week to me because I hadn't worked a full week since 3 weeks before. This past Saturday, we had our annual Holiday/Christmas party. It was held at the Antique Auto Museum in Hershey and it was a lot of fun! My co-workers are really great and we get along so well! We danced the night away! 

Sunday morning, I slept in and went the late service at my church. Afterwards, I met Kristy and Kate downtown for a biddies brunch at Mangia Qui. We ate some delicious food and had a great time catching up! Kate and I ended the day at the young adult worship night! 

Today was Monday. I started crying last night before bed because something about the 8th just makes my heart ache a little more than normal. This morning I got to sleep in ten minutes later because I prepped my lunch the night before. I really should just make my salads on Sunday night for the whole week but I'm a procrastinator at best so the night before is still pretty good.

Oh Momma, the sunrise on the way to work today was amazing! When I turn onto the Pike (daily) I almost never notice it. It is only when I merge onto 581 that the morning sky can wake me up! My photo is a bit blurry because I was driving. Isn't it beautiful?! 

It is simple, Earthly, central Pennsylvania views like this, that make me dream about what you see in Heaven. I am so excited to experience that with you someday! 

It is almost Christmas back here on Earth and so I should mention that I have heard more than once that the second year can actually be harder than the first year. So, I'm definitely nervous for how much my heart will be hurting without you. We haven't even decorated for Christmas yet. I still can't believe that you get to be with Jesus on His birthday!

As I make my way through this twentieth month without you, the year 2014, will also come to a close. You didn't live one day of 2014. It is crazy how life just keeps on truckin' even after you die. I mean really, I know I'm the only person in the world who can't stop thinking about you for one minute on the 8th of every month. No one ever remembers the 8th of the month and why should they? This is my load to carry, so I remember every hill, fork, and curve in the road. Life passes by so fast and when I think about how I haven't talked to you in 20 months, I become frustrated with myself for even wasting just a minute of the time I had with you before you were gone. As I close out this post, the tears are falling from my eyes. This time, they are the slow tears, that just fall before you even noticed they had formed. My heart aches for you today. Honestly, it really never ceases to ache for you. I miss you more than I can actually describe but I still love you with every fiber of my being. I'm certain that 'loving' and 'missing' cause some of the deepest heartache on Earth. I dream of the day where I won't have to miss you anymore and I can just love you. And hug you. Oh, what I would do to just hug you once more.

Mommy, I hope you are well.

I miss you always and I love you so very much! 

Kelsey