Emails and Handwriting

I think I cried almost every day this week. It just happens. I don't think this is something that will ever go away. I looked up Coco's CaringBridge site this week and began to read the posts that she had written. I wanted to feel like she was talking to me, like she was writing just for me. I could picture her saying every word she had typed. And then I decided to search through all of my emails to see if I could find anything special from her. Most of the ones in my Messiah email were just random things. I guess we never really emailed that much because I was able to see her so much during college. Then when I moved home we really didn't email because I was able to see her everyday.

Someday soon I am going to look through all of the cards she sent me in college or gave me for my birthdays. I miss her handwriting. This is so silly but I always wanted to have her handwriting. It was so pretty and mom-like and I just really loved it. Most days my handwriting is chicken-scratch. 

I don't have very many recent videos of her because I just never thought about taking any. I would love to watch our old home movies from when we were little because I bet she is in a lot of those. 

My mom used to always write us notes before she left on business trips. She would put them on our night stands before she left and we were so excited to find them later. I didn't save a single one because I just never thought I would want them. I was also in elementary school so that's probably why they ended up in the trash. 

I wish I could just give her a hug. If I think really hard, I can remember exactly what they feel like. I know that won't last forever though. Someday I will get to hug her again and I can't wait for that day. 

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