trying to be brave and stuff

Hi Momma, Today is Debbie's birthday. Did you remember? I hope so. We went to the Greek restaurant in Mechanicsburg for dinner. It was delicious. Dad, Linds, and I got Deb this beautiful gold cross necklace with diamonds for her birthday. Dad signed your name on his card. She liked it a lot. She cried. I hate that we all have to cry on our birthdays now because we miss you so much.  I cry all the time. For the past few weeks, I have cried everyday. I just can't stop. I miss you more than anything. I wanna see your face. I wanna hug you. I love you always.  Love,  Kelsey I'll leave you with a song that I heard this week on the radio. I have heard it before. It came on last night, when I was driving home from therap Don't be mad if I cry It just hurts so bad sometimes  Cause everyday it's sinking in And I have to say goodbye all over again You know I bet it feels good to have the wait of this world Off your shoulders now I'm dreaming of the day When I'm finall...

But I'm not going to ever get over you. Mondays around 5:30pm are the absolute worst for me. That is around the time my momma left this Earth. On a Monday... at 5:30pm... 10 weeks ago. The number keeps getting bigger. I guess it would be overkill for me to say that I still can't believe she didn't beat the cancer on Earth.  When I think about my life without her, I become overwhelmed with sadness. So I bring myself back to the moment and think about just making it through the next minute without her. That makes it just a little bit easier.  She had said once that she wished she could just go to Heaven for a little but and rest and then come back to us. She followed that by saying she knew it didn't work like that. I wish she was finished resting and it was time for her to come back. It will be so many years until I get to join her in Heaven.  I still cannot believe that she is not here anymore to be my mommy. I've never wanted my life to pass by faster than I do rig...

Hi Momma This past Saturday marked 2 months since you met Jesus. June 8, 2013. I miss you like crazy.  Life is still moving, although I wish it would stop. I am so lonely most of the time. I wish you were here to hang out with. How is Heaven? I hope it's awesome! That's me trying not to be selfish, wishing you were here.  Daddy went to a party with your friends on Saturday. I didn't know he was going until he was there and texted me. I'm sure it was very hard for him.  As for my job, I'm tired of it. I want a new one. My dream job would be to work in television...probably the news. I still watch Good Morning America everyday. I would totally work there. I am transitioning from school to camp. That will be a nice change. It will be different this year because of new regulations but hopefully it will still be fun.  To take up some of my time, I signed up to help out with the children's ministry at my church 3 times this summer. This past Sunday...

Lately I have been filled with so much anxiety. It just comes and stays and doesn't go away. I can't pinpoint why the past week has been filled with so much anxiety. Maybe it's the medicine I recently switched to. Or maybe it's just life.  Today it has been 60 days since I have seen Coco. Oh how I miss saying that name out loud. It is hard for me to think about how her body isn't in the same form that I've always known. For now, her ashes sit in our family room. I wish her real "alive" body sat in our family room.  My emotions are out of control all the time. I feel like no one understands. I feel like I just NEED her. I can't even describe why. I guess I am in denial because I still can't believe that she wasn't cured of cancer. I just want to rewind and do something different so that we can get a different outcome. I don't know when this will feel better. I feel lonely almost all of the time. I want to be with my friends as much as po...

Oh momma. Every time I write to you my eyes fill up with tears.  My birthday was on Friday. I wanted to write to you on that day but time got away from me. I thought about you all day. I even watched the videos I have of you. I haven't watched them since the day that you met Jesus.  I woke up on my birthday feeling awful. My stomach hurt like crazy and I ended up staying home from work. My two sweet friends, H & L spent the entire afternoon with me and planned a surprise party for me. They even planned dessert at the Melting Pot. I wish you could have been there! Momma I don't deserve my friends at all. I feel like I take them for granted just like I took you for granted.  Momma this life is hard. I miss you times infinity. I can't stop crying for you.  I love you always, Kelsey