trying to be brave and stuff

Mommy, Sometimes when the 8th rolls around, I can't seem to remember anything that happened for the month. I want to update you everyday but that's impossible now. I miss when it was simple and telling you about my day was routine and always in your physical presence.  The month of May came and went and now it is the beginning of June. I've been doing yard work at times. I have been diligently working to grow grass in certain areas of the yard. Those shady spots are the trickiest.  I feel like not too much happened in the past month. My birthday passed and I wrote to you about that already.  Ashley came to visit one Thursday evening in May! It was great to see her!  Heidi also came to visit and she stayed over night! We stayed up very late, talking about everything!  Today, Kristy and I went to Shalisa's Bridal Shower! It was very cute and we had a fun time! I haven't uploaded any of my pictures from the shower to my computer yet but here is one of Kristy and I ...

Momma, Today was my 25th birthday. To be oh so honest, it was so rough. The morning was great, Momma! I ran The Color Run in Hershey! Our whole family participated and a few of my friends came too! I just love the color so that was fun. My friends put me on stage and I had no idea what was going to happen but the DJ had 10,000 people sing happy birthday to me. It was crazy but it was a blur because it happened so fast. I told Dad that I think you would have enjoyed The Color Run also but you definitely would have thought the music was too loud.  The rest of the day was really awful. I say that from a first world perspective. The worst feeling for me is to be lonely and that is exactly what I felt. I spend most weekends by myself with no plans and on the week nights, I rarely seen anyone. So for me to spend the entire afternoon and evening by myself was so hard for me. I wished you were there because you would have come up with something fun for us to do. I guess the family thought ...

Mommy, Today is our second Mother's Day without you. Last year, I did not go to church because that is a popular subject in sanctuaries everywhere. This year, I did go to to church. I miss you so much. I kept thinking the week leading up to Mother's Day that I needed to get you a gift. I'm not sure why I kept thinking that but it probably has something to do with the fact that I was a terrible gift-giver for the years that you were here! Oh well, you loved me anyway! If I could give a message to all of my friends on this day it would be to show your Momma that you love her, not just today, but every single day! One day, you won't get to hear her voice anymore or call her. You can dial her phone number but she will never ever answer. I haven't called your phone once since you died. Dad disconnected your number on our family plan so some random person would probably answer if I called. I'm sure your voicemail message at work was deleted, but I never called to ...

Momma, The thirteenth month feels almost weird. After I wrote to you at one year, it felt like that was the end and now my journey of letters is done. I know it's just because it's the first month after one year. I think it's okay if I don't have a lot to say this month. These letters are real and so it is what it is. I feel like not much happened in the thirteenth month. We didn't go anywhere or have any big events. I spent my days going to work, hanging out with friends, and babysitting. The Friday before Easter, I had off work so Dad and I went and played golf. I did terrible, but it was fun. The weather is finally starting to get nice around here, and I love having a job where I get to walk outside multiple times a day. I also ordered my  bridesmaid dress for Kristy's wedding but it doesn't come in until July. I haven't seen some of my friends in a while and so I am hoping that with summer coming up that I will get to be reunited with them! I a...

Momma, This is the last holiday of the first year that you will miss with us. Since Easter changes each year, last year it was a week before you passed away. This year it was two weeks after your passing anniversary.  I went to church with Dad and he sang in the choir during the 9:30 service. I went home and watched Scandal, my new favorite show. We had dinner that evening at Deb's house. The pretty much sums up our Easter. Easter is important to me for many reasons but if I am being completely honest, I take for granted what Christ actually did for me on the cross that day. This year it hit home that His death means that I will get to see you again in Heaven. I know that it means so much more than that but right now, at this point in my life, I am so so thankful for Christ sacrificing His life so that we can see our loved ones in Heaven.  I love you so much Momma and I can't wait to see you again because of what Christ did for us.  Miss you always. K...

My Sweet Momma,       Today is that day: April 8th. The day you left us to be with Jesus. The day that I will never forget. Your last day on this Earth. The last day I was able to experience your human self. The last day I heard your voice, hugged you and told you that I loved you forever and always. Today is different. It is now April 8, 2014, the end of the first year without you here. There have been 365 days of heartache that will not relent. As I was driving yesterday I became overwhelmed at just how long a year really is. A whole year. When did that happen?       Momma, as I sit here a year later, I need you to know that I miss you with absolutely every fiber of my being. I miss everything about you. I miss the way you danced when you knew you were right about something. Or the way you recorded every single show on TV, because they were all "your shows". I miss how you enjoyed eating potato chips and bananas and chasing that with milk. I mi...

Momma, Today, April 8, 2012, is the twelfth month since you have been gone. I probably don't even need to say how much I miss you. I am actually having trouble remembering all of the things that have happened in the past month. It was a quiet month. Winter has been dragging on and on. The sun comes out at times but it is still always cold. The temperature is always in the 40's lately and is accompanied by wind or rain. We even had 2 snow storms come through in the past month, although, they were small. I usually have to look through my phone pictures to see if anything interesting happened each month. I really don't have too many pictures for the twelfth month. Some of the few pictures from the past month include: a wedding, chocolate world, trying on bridesmaid dresses, the weather, and hanging out with friends. I know that some months will be like that where not much has happened. As the weather gets warmer, Momma, you can be sure that I will have more exciting things to ...