trying to be brave and stuff

Oh Mommy,  My heart is so broken for you right now. This season of the year is so hard for me. As I type this, tears are pouring out of my eyes. And just a little bit ago I had the silent sobs...the kind of crying where no one would know that you are crying. I held in the sound as my breath became shallow and my eyes drained the tears. At one point I did make a sound and I knew that was the kind of crying where it would have been loud and uncontrollable. So I held the sound back inside. I've learned a lot about crying over the past two years. I've cried so many different ways.  Tonight, I think back to our final heart to heart. We tucked you into your own bed (your final sleep there before we would keep you in the Hospice bed) and the rest of the family went for a bite to eat. My sweet best friends were downstairs making pancakes at 10:00 at night. I was laying on your bed with you.  We probably only chatted for 20 minutes but I'll never forget those precious moments. Oh,...

Momma, This month was pretty packed! I'm actually behind in writing it. Momma, some months just turn out like that.  I actually made two trips up to the Finger Lakes during the 23rd month. The first trip was for biddies weekend which we appropriately hashtagged bemybiddie. Rozzie and Shane organized it and we rented a house in Ithaca. We visited a few wineries but we had the very best time just hanging out, catching up, and playing games.  Dad gave us a scare this month when he ended up in the hospital with a kidney scare. It turned out that it was a mix of the flu and his medications. Thankfully he was released after three days and is back to normal!  We got to see our first Harrisburg Heat win of the season! They only won one other game which we had missed a few weeks earlier. Their last home game of the season was an epic win which was awesome!  My second trip up to the Finger Lakes was at the end of the 23rd month. It was a girl's weekend with my co-workers. We v...